Little People

Stories about midgets (little people to be politically correct) have always intrigued me. There is a legend that there is quote a midgetville in Salt Lake City Utah. Ever since I can remember my friends and I have always dreamed about going there. A shade of doubt surrounds the midgetville even to it's very existence. From what I understand these little people will come out of their bite size houses to chuck all sorts of debris at the giants walking their streets. I suppose it must be a gated community if this is the case. At first I was appalled by the thought of midgets throwing stuff at people, but then I realized something. The realization was if giant-like people were walking my streets I'd probably throw a toaster at it. I chose to throw a toaster because it is light enough to throw, but big enough to do damage. When I heard of the retaliation tactics I became torn at whether or not I would ever visit this mystical place. I envision a place somewhat like where Willow resided in that lovable classic. Someday I wish to go there and see the little people, to make peace with them. 

Fun Fact: If you were to type in where is midget town in Salt Lake City? ChaCha will say:

"Hobbitville" is located on 13th E. about a half mile north of 1-80. The entrance is across from Westminster College.

Before I leave you to ponder about our lovable little friends I would like to leave you with my favorite midget story. My cousin Tanner is pretty cool and one time he did something so epic that I will never forget it throughout my entire existence. He was probably around 10 years old when the incident occurred. He was absentmindedly walking through the crowd after a football game, and while walking he saw something that must have turned off all inhibition in his brain. The spectacle that his eyes beheld was a midget cheerleader. There is a look that a lion gets in it's eyes when it is about to devour it's prey. I imagine that Tanner had this very look in his eyes at this moment. Without warning he took off at full speed in direction towards the cheerleader. Everyone must have been in shock at what was happening because no one tried to stop Tanner as he plowed into the cheerleader. Tanner lit her up so to speak. He actually tackled a midget cheerleader. If that isn't the funniest thing you have ever heard then I don't know what is. To my knowledge neither tanner or the cheerleader were injured. It just turned into a real awkward moment as they got up from the ground. We can all agree that midgets (little people) are fantastic and our world needs them. Thank heavens for the midget! 

This Has Probably Never Happened to Anyone but My Friend Marc.

I have decided to stick with the scooter stories for one more post and this one is a doooozie! This has probably never happened to anyone in the history of the world besides my buddy Marc. I honestly believe that. Four years ago on the empty streets of Pleasant Grove Utah Marc Miller and I had a scooter gang. We drove the land in search of beautiful babes and stunning views. Sunday night we would drive to Utah Lake and back for no apparent reason. 


One thing I have learned in my excursions scooting is that the buddy system is best. When you go lone wolf terrible things happen, and my good man Marc was a victim of that. He was cruising home one night when one of the most stunning things to ever happen to a human being occurred to him. As he was absentmindedly riding his scooter at around 30 miles an hour a common deer plowed into the side of his scooter. As you can imagine this was a shocking experience for Marc. Fur was flying as he skidded across the rough pavement. Marc says that he was so stunned he didn't even know what had happened at first. When he looked up from the carnage he saw the deer bounding into the distance and he knew. 

I have to ask myself several questions when pondering the deer's intentions. Was this a malicious act on the human race or mere coincidence? How many deer carcases line Utah roads...? Maybe this deer's Aunt or Sister In-law had recently been part of one of these accidents, and this deer was out for blood. Like the JFK assassination we may never know completely what happened that night, but what we do know is that's one funny story to tell to people at Marc's expense. Signing out Bradley Francis. 

The Peeves That Pet Me.

Recently I have been feeling nostalgic and I have thereby determined to make my very own list for 2010. I would like to present to you my top 5 pet peeves of the previous year. Let me begin.


1. Who Cares If My Soda Is Diet?- One pet peeve of mine is when I am absentmindedly sipping back a diet soda, and some wise guy comes up to me and tells me that it's less healthy for me that regular soda. That it will give me heart disease, and as a result I will die at a very young age. This peeves me. 


2. The Seconds On The Microwave!- I have to admit I am royally peeved when I notice that there are two or maybe three seconds on left on the microwave. Are you people seriously so impatient that you can't wait three more seconds for your food to be done?


3. Maybe I Want To Hear That!- I must admit that peevage occurs for me when someone mutes the television for commercials. What if I want to hear what these people are selling me? I know that it's supposed to be for "talking time", but sometimes it's just silence while everyone looks at each other. 


4. Women's Basketball- So as not to offend anyone I will not elaborate on this one.


5. Prego- The thing that peeves me more than any peeving device in this world are those awful pregnancy photos. I'm sorry to those people reading this that enjoy looking at pregnant bellies. I absolutely do not! I'm ok with it if the women in pregnancy has a shirt on or whatever but some of these pictures make me sick!


Warning the picture you are about to see may contain disturbing images. Those with epilepsy may want to refrain from looking. 

Thank you for your time. I sure hope that this list brings you much joy and laughter. My name is Brad Francis and sometimes I blog. 

Delores: My Scooter Adventures

I have a little scoot scoot which I playfully named Delores. Little did I realize the ridicule that would come from this specimen of a motorized vehicle. In high school I was the coolest kid in school rolling up on that pair of wheels. Every girl wanted me and every guy wanted to be me. It wasn't nerdy at all that my little brother had a matching scooter, and that we would ride side by side to school every morning. It didn't matter that guys on motorcycles would rev their massive engines just to make fun of my 50cc scoot mobile. It didn't matter that people actually pointed and laughed as I drove by on the little thing with the lawn-mower like engine roaring at full capacity. It didn't even matter that I maxed out at twelve miles an hour going up steep hills. I was on top of the world on my little scooter Delores and no one was going to stop me.

Time passed and I was about to move up to college. There was no way that I wasn't taking Delores with me. She was there through the thick and the thin. She was always the one that got me from point A to point B even if it took double the time that it would take in a regular car. So she came on with me. No I did not ride the scooter two and a half hours from my home. That would have turned into an overnight trip with how long it would have taken on my scooter. When I got to Utah State University something happened that made it so I may never ride my scooter again.

Candace was up visiting from Idaho so I decided to take her on a little date. While we were driving Candace made a comment on how everyone was so nice to us. I informed her that it wasn't that they were being nice, and waving. They were pointing and laughing. It's alright though I had gotten used to it over the years. After we finished up at Spoon Me (a delicious frozen yogurt place). I took Candace back to her car so that she could drive to the place she was staying for the night. After saying our goodbyes I tried to start my scooter up and absolutely nothing happened. That was when I knew I was in trouble.

I tried several times to get that little engine going, but to no avail. I figured it wasn't too far from my place of residence so I was just planning on pushing it home. When I had made it to the intersection just adjacent to my apartment I determined that since the light was red I could try and start the thing again. While I was struggling to get the scooter going a car pulled up to me. I realized almost instantly that it was a Utah State police officer. Honestly he must not have had much to do that day because he felt the need to give me a police escort home. We are talking the full shabang with flashing lights and sirens. It was top 5 most embarassing moment of my life. People in cars were staring at me as I slowly pushed my motorized scooter through an intersection with a police escort. The police officer took this as his serious duty to make sure that I made it home safe. That was the day that Delores stopped working, and I made the decision that my scooting days were over.

My brother Preston strapped bull horns on his scooter to look cool.