You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Kid

Most all of us are familiar with that lovable holiday classic A Christmas Story. If not I have posted my favorite line from that movie right here. The main character in this flic is named Ralphie and all he wants for Christmas is a Red Rider BB Gun. Repeatedly throughout the film people remind him that he's going to shoot his eye out, and that it is much too dangerous to own a BB gun. I have a story that confirms all of the warnings the people give Ralpie throughout this movie.

When I was probably twelve to fourteen years of age right smack dab in the middle of puberty. If I remember right I owned a Red Rider BB gun just like Ralpie. My brother, cousin, and I were having trouble finding any birds, and on top of that we couldn't hit them when we found them anyway. So we decided to get a little creative. I remember being dared to shoot myself in the foot. So I did it. One thing you should know about me is that when I get dared to do something, I usually do it. Getting shot in the foot was surprisingly less painful then I imagined so I immediately turned to my baby brother Preston and dared him to do it.

Another thing you should know about me is that I was somewhat of a hellian in my younger years, and I am not proud of what I am about to write but it happened. Preston refused to be shot in the foot, and this got me angry. So I told him that he had ten seconds to run or I was going to shoot him. He didn't believe me for the first five seconds, but then I took aim and he started booking it. By the time I got to ten seconds he was on top of a large boulder, and I pulled the trigger. My aim was true and I hit him in the small of his back. He dropped like a sack of potatoes. All I can remember is looking over at my cousin as he was doubled over in fits of laughter. So for all you parents out there considering buying your preteen a BB gun I would reconsider. I feel remorse for this unfortunate event even though it is to this day one of my fondest memories. Merry Christmas!

You can recognize my facebook?

As I was sitting here in my pleasant apartment cooking myself some scrumptious chicken and rice I realized that I needed to write a post that has been long overdue....I have a girlfriend named Candace and she makes fun of me relentlessly. Which is much deserved and I actually like it. I guess you could say it brings down that large ego of mine. One of the main topics things that she makes fun of me for is the fact that I have a hard time being all cutesy on my facebook, blog, and any other social networking devices. 


She likes to say that I'm quote "Ashamed" of the fact that she is my girlfriend. Of course this irks me right to the bones. I have my reasons for not posting my love life for the world to see. Recently I had an experience that illustrates why I don't like to be too cute online.


Not too long ago I was up in Idaho Falls, Idaho. Candace is from around that area, and I was out buying shoes for her niece's birthday present. There I am minding my own business when a sales associate walks up to me and says, "You are Brad right?" All I could do was stare at her in stunned disbelief.  She spoke before I did, "You know Candace McClure right?" It then dawned on me what she was going to say next but nevertheless I still asked, "Yeah, how did you know that?" She replied with one single word. "FACEBOOK" Do you remember that one part in Sandlot when they say Forever? It felt similar to that moment. Turns out that she was one of Candace's neighbors so it wasn't that creepy, but still weird for me. 

That experience taught me a couple things. It really doesn't matter what people think or who reads what you write. They are going to find out soon enough anyway. It also made me realize that I was in fact not ashamed to say how I feel on the internet. So Candace, when you read this just know this is me letting the world know that I love you! As cheesy as it sounds we all have to be a little cheeseball now and then don't we? Keep it real blog world. Until next time this is Bradley Francis signing out.
  

Brad and Cand

Christmas Shopping Troubles?

Christmas seems to be the commercial holiday of the year. From stocking stuffers to Ipod's people go completely bonkers over what to get each other. May I give my two cents on Christmas presents that would we be greatly appreciated by those who watch the As Seen On TV Commercials similar to the ones that I tend to enjoy. Here are my Top 5 As Seen On TV christmas presents for this year.

1. The Snuggie

I would absolutely be tickled pink if I recieved a snuggie this christmas season. In part, because I have always wanted to make a music video called "Teach me how to Snuggie". Also because I am an avid reader and what could be better than reading in a snuggie?

2. Chia Pet

The Chia Pet is a classic As Seen On TV item. If I were to get a Chia Pet it would mostly definitely be the Barak Obama Chia Pet. Foremost because Barak is the first American President to have hair plausible to make a Chia Pet into. Could you imagine James Madison as a Chia Pet?....I sure as heavens can't. 

3. Shake Weight 

Surprisingly it's very difficult to find Shake Weight pictures on the internet so I had to borrow my friend's, and take a picture of myself. Who wouldn't want to lose some arm flab collected over the holidays? I know that I would.

4. The Magic Bullet

This little beauty was a joy in the Francis household for quite some time. I do raise a voice of warning to the buyer. Don't be fooled. You will not be able to juice your tomatoes in 7 seconds. Unless you like a enjoy a chunky tomato puree. Which I'm sure you do not!

5. The Miracle Blade

One of my heroes would have to be Chef Tony for his ingenious innovations in the kitchen. My father has for many years wished that we owned the miracle blade cutting system. I would have to agree with the man. These blades can cut through shoe leather or cement. Why you would ever want to do that in the kitchen I don't know, but you must admit that's wicked cool.

So my good friends, if you are ever at a loss at what to get for that special someone. Look no further than the Home Shopping Network on your television screen. You may be surprised at what you find there. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all.

Who's Your Type?

So as I was sitting in my apartment today I realized that boredom had struck my being. I decided that the time was right to go back and watch one of my all time favorite Disney Flicks. My Good roommate made an off hand comment about how beautiful Belle was, and that in turn got my creative juices flowing. I have determined what traits all of the Disney Princess possess, and by so doing you will be able to choose which one is best for you! I hope that you enjoy my work.

Men that have the hots for Belle are attracted to classy ladies. This fine young women isn't all about the looks cause she's got brains as well, and in no way does that intimidate men who have a thing for Princess Belle. Beneath all of those books Belle has a fiery passion of a 1000 suns, and her kiss can change a horrific beast into a wavy haired hunk of meat. What man doesn't like a woman that likes cute snowball fights in the snow? If you like your women classy, sophisticated, and brunette then Belle is the Princess for you. 

Princess Aurora is your typical Blond. Yes, she is beautiful as the sunshine's rays (not to mention the voice of an angel), but she does tend to get herself into trouble now doesn't she. Some men do, however, like high maintenance girls such as Aurora. It gives them a feeling of power or accomplishment. I would bet my life that Aurora stays beautiful for the rest of her life....even if it required a little botox here and there. She's the 1959 version of a blond bombshell. Go ahead boys she's all yours! I'm going to steer clear.

Cinderella is as timid and as passive as they come. She will cook and clean all day and night, but she has such a cute face that you'd never want to make her do that for you. Because of childhood abuse she may have some negative effects from that, but she's bound melt your heart with the way she dances and sings. There may be some self-esteem issues, but don't let that scare you away from this perfect fit.

Snow White would make the best mother of all time. How could she not when taking care of all those little dwarves? I'm sure she'd be able to handle any type of man that comes her way. I'm not a man of short hair, but for you guys out there the fair skin, and short black hair probably makes you go bat crazy! Sometimes she can be a little bit light-minded, but I'm sure her cooking skills will have you coming back for more!

 Ariel fits every description I've ever known of what a fiery redhead is. She's spontaneous, adventurous, and a whole lot more. I don't know if there is a Disney Princess more passionate about her Prince then Ariel is. She was willing to give away her spectacular vocal cords just to see her man, now that's dedication! She can go over the top at times, but she always brings it back with that passion! Once you go red you never go back.

Mulan is not a Disney Princess end of discussion.

Jasmine is not your average princess. Some would say that she is the skanky type. Do I disagree? Absolutely not. Some men are extremely attracted to a woman that is willing to take charge and make the first move. Jasmine does have this exotic quality to her that the other princesses lack. If you are willing to not wear the pants in the relationship then Jasmine is your cup of tea!

Princess Tiana is a go-getter. When she has an ambition she runs for it and she won't let anybody get in her way. She definitely has that black woman sass, not to mention a black woman......butt. Tiana would be a fine catch for any man, especially if he is looking for a woman with an accent. You won't find a better cook in the Disney Empire and that's an important trait in a future spouse. Hold on to your bootstraps she's a keeper.

Rapunzel is also quite the fire cracker. She may be the most talented of the Disney Princesses, she has an amazing singing ability as well as extravagant painting ability. Never before has a Princess been able to kick trash like Rapunzel. The only thing that creeps me out is that she hasn't had human contact her entire life so she's gotta have something wrong. Be prepare to get tangled up in that hair if Rapunzel is the one for you.

I hope you have enjoyed my extensive research on Disney's most beloved Princesses. I am sure you are all wondering who I would choose, and of course I would choose Ariel. I am currently dating a redhead, and for all you haters....Think Again. Just like I said when you go Red you never go back. Over and Out! Rate for your princess over on the right. 

Why do they say grown men don't cry?

I have a blessing and a curse...No I am not spider man, but what I am is emotional. Ever since I turned probably 12 years old I have gotten teary eyed at touching moments in movies/commercials/ youtube videos. It all started at a point in the movie Galaxy Quest with Tim Allen, Siguorney Weaver, and other no-name actors. Funny enough Dwight from the office has a cameo in that movie....but that is besides the point. The first time I watched that movie I was twelve years old in a hotel room in Southern California. At near the climax of the film Mathasar (The leader of the alien ship) is captured, and being tortured by the villain. Tim Allen is then forced to explain to Mathasar that the T.V. show that they were trying to recreate wasn't actually real. That they had been lying. Mathasar then let out a squeal that I can't describe with adequate words. Imagine a baby panda watching it's mother die a slow painful death, and that's the sound that Mathasar made. I couldn't help it....tears came flowing freely. Every since then I knew that I had a soft heart.

Many other instances have indicated to me that I'm just a big softy. A few others come to mind as I jog my memory. There was one time that I noticed someone had posted a touching video on someone else's wall on facebook. I took the liberty to watch the short youtube video myself. It consisted of various fathers reuniting with their families after their military service. The pure joy on these peoples' faces brought streaming tears to my eyes. Here I was, alone, in my apartment sobbing and laughing all at the same time. I was laughing at how ludicrous the situation was. Yes, I was a twenty one year old man crying my eyes out in my apartment. I have posted a link here so that you may all watch the beauty of the video, and somewhat realize why I was crying so much.

I have to add a the end of this post that it's not completely my fault that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I am not completely sure if showing emotion is a genetically-inherited trait, but I would be willing to bet a buffalo nickle that it is. My father has always been a man of emotion whether it is crying at extreme makeover home edition, or crying during hallmark commercials. He has always let out a couple tears here and there. You know some people say that they've never seen their Dads cry, but it happens to me on a weekly basis. So that's why I pose the question why do they say grown men don't cry?

Master Bieber

I must confess that my roommate and I are probably the biggest Justin Bieber fans in Cache County. Recently Justin Bieber was featured on Barber Walters 10 most interesting people of 2010. I have decided to write a post on Bieber because he has come out with a new song and I feel as if I should share it in the blogosphere with my friends. It is called Pray, and I feel somewhat warm and fuzzy inside when I listen to it. Please watch it and enjoy the musical fusion of the Prince of Pop.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9tJW9MDs2M 

Ok now it makes sense...

Recently I have been wrongfully accused of being sexist. In some off-hand comment I made that age old suggestion that females are worse at basketball. Deep down I really did feel that way, but I simply had no evidence. Last night I had the pleasure to film an Aggie's basketball game in conjunction with my job and I have found my proof that women are in fact worse at basketball. No offense in any way ladies.... 

To the best of my recollection it was a fast break for the Aggies, and everyone in the building assumed that it was going to be an easy layup. What happened was somewhat humorous, and if you were to playback the audio from the camera I was filming on you would have heard a jolly chuckle. I can't explain exactly what happened with the ball in text so I will just post a picture.

 
This is the classic ball stuck in the rim. Everyone has seen it before, but what it made it hilarious on this faithful day was that no one on the court could get the ball down. Admittedly if I jumped to get this ball I would maybe get it once out of 53 attempts, but still I was watching a basketball game where no one could jump as high as the rim. The referee finally had to go get a broom, and poke the sucker until it fell down.

So yes, here is my proof that no only is womens basketball not as entertaining, but they aren't as good as their male counterparts. I don't mean to be sexist I am merely stating a fact of life. Thank you for your time 

The Greatest Time of Year

So everyone who reads my blog probably knows that I was born on the 24th of December. Yes, I came home in a Christmas stocking on Christmas morning. I know that just rips your heart apart with how precious it was. Today I didn't have much to do so I decided to google the celebrities that share this glorious day with me...My findings may astound you.

Bradley Francis

Howard Hughes

Stephanie Meyer, who invented Taylor Lautner

Ryan Seacrest

 

 Ricky Martin

It's astonishing to me to realize how the stars in the heavens must have aligned to create such fantastic looking individuals. How else could you explain the evidence above? Coincidence? I think not!