Competition

The four of us eyed each other down as the voice slowly counted down... 3, 2, 1 DRINK BOYS! Do not be mistaken, alcohol was not being consumed. No, in fact we were guzzling pepsi max as fast as our bodies could handle it. Pushing back fits of pain, I drank until tears were streaming down my face. Nothing could hinder me from the glory of victory. 10 minutes had elapsed, and half of my 2 liter bottle still remained. I wondered in that moment whether or not I would make it out alive, yet still I pushed forward in agony. I knew that the race would be tight between me and one other fellow. The other two were fallen soldiers, not able to cope with the anguish of concentrated carbonation violently rushing down their throats. As I neared the finish line, I took a peak at my competitor. Immediately I noticed weakness in his eyes, and I knew that victory was mine for the taking. All that I wanted to do as the last few drops landed on my tongue was cry out in euphoria, but my stomach writhed in torment. The only thing that crossed my brain was an immediate need for relief. Instantaneously I knew that if I didn't reach that precious porcelain toilet bowl, a mess of mass proportions was going to be on our hands. Like a gazelle, I sprung the distance to the bathroom in record speeds. A fatal mistake was apparent however. In this time of great need I had simply forgotten that the floor of my bathroom was constructed purely of extremely slick tile. To make matters worse, I was wearing nothing but socks. At the velocity that I was running simple common knowledge could deduct that I was going to take a tumble. As one would expect, as soon as my feet hit the tile I was flying through the air. I landed flat on my backside with an incredible thud. Fortunately with my fall, and in the excitement of the moment I had totally forgotten about throwing up, and didn't have the slightest need to anymore. It was miraculous.

King of Kong

Recently I saw a documentary that everyone should see. It is called King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters. The movie is, in short, about a man named Steve Wiebe and his quest to achieve immortality in the Donkey Kong world. Steve and his arch nemesis Billy Mitchell duke it out to see who will achieve the highest all time recorded score of the classic arcade game. This film is the pinnacle of the documentary genre.

After watching the film I was directed by my good cousin Taylor to add Walter Day on Facebook. Walter Day is the referee depicted at the bottom of the logo. In my ignorance, I believed that it wasn't possible for Walter to answer my friend request. Walter proved me wrong in a big way....Here is our conversation on facebook.

Walter and I will always have a friendship that will last. King of Kong changed my life and I would highly recommend it to everyone that has ever walked on this planet we call earth.

It has been far too long

I write to you all with a sense of repentance in my heart. It has been far too long since I have enlightened your day with a blog post. So I come to you now with full remorse in my heart, and hopefully a story to brighten your lives. Recently I had a visit from my good man Brady Dalton. He drove all the way to Logan so that we could have dinner together and catch up on old times. This was the first time that we had hung out after I had become a married man so we had much to talk about. The waitress that came to our table had Brady smitten. She was a younger girl who was very tan... and Brady was drinking her Kool-Aid in a manner of speech. I knew that he was somewhat in love when he gave the woman a 4 dollar tip. On the back of a receipt he wrote a message that I will never forget. It went somewhat like this..

Michelle-
I will never forget the supreme service that we received today. I was immensely impressed with your waitress abilities and wing skillz. This was the greatest service ever rendered at a wingers franchise, and maybe the world. I will forever be in debt to you for this glorious occasion. 

Sincerely, Brady Dalton (His phone number)

I hope that she calls, and moreover I hope that they get married.

 

New Blog

Alright all of you people out there who read my blog sometimes....I have a new blog for you to check out. Candace and I have finally decided to get a blog so that we can keep track of our lives for the future. I thought it was a fairly decent idea. We will try to keep it not so sappy though. Just have fun reading it and if you don't I really don't care, just read this blog instead. 

We are Francis 

Just do it! Click on the link above, you know you want to. Peace it out.

USU Football

As most of my blog followers know, I work for the Utah State football team. I am on what they call an "athletic" scholarship....which is funny because all I am is a cameraman. Well, recently I tried my hand at a little thing called video editing. With help from my boss, I made a little highlight video. I hope all of you enjoy this BYU, Utah, and Utah State fans alike....oh and UVU if you consider that a university (I don't)

Pressy's Coming Home

It has been 3 and a half years since my little brother Preston Francis and I have seen each other. In two weeks the man will be home from his LDS mission in Sweden. I'm proud of the boy. The craziest part of the whole situation is that he hasn't even met my fiance Candace yet. This post will be a montage of this glorious man's life. Enjoy. 

What woman wouldn't want this man?

Billy Goat's Gruff

There was this one time that Candace and I were driving in Pleasant Grove. I noticed out of the corner of my eye something queer. I stopped my car in the middle of the road, immediately put it in reverse, and backed up until I saw something similar to this.

Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you. We saw a large, male, billy goat standing on a barn. We laughed for at least thirty seconds and drove away. The goat escaped my memory until just now. This really happened.

My Moment of Football Glory

There I was, standing on the sideline of Utah State University's spring football practice. My assignment for the day was to film some highlights. I was having a wonderful time when things turned ugly in an instant. 

Most people tend to run away when they sense that something is about to collide with them. Not me. I stood my ground as the cornerback, safety, and wide receiver came at me at full speed. The truth of the story is because I was so concentrated on my camera, I had no idea what was going on. If you notice in the film everyone around me backs up. I don't move a muscle as they come flying into my unsuspecting body. The amazing part of this was that I protected the camera as I came tumbling to the ground. I'll let the video do the talking however. Enjoy me hitting the turf from three different angles!  

James and the Giant Wasabi

James and Preston

I must tell this story second hand, for I was not there to experience the gloriousness of this moment where time stood still . I will forever regret not being there to witness this event of extreme eating. I have a friend named James. He is larger than the average human. I have heard legends of what Jamesy has been able to eat. At eight years old he was able to consume a Big Judd's one pound burger.... At eight! His picture still hangs on the wall as the youngest challenger ever to eat this burger. When sensuous sandwich challenged him with 24 inches of sandwich he ate it in four minutes, decided it was weak, and ate 48 inches of sandwich! The man has competed in the Nathan's hotdog eating contest in Vegas. He is truly one of my heroes. One challenge was just too much for James though.


Never has an amount of food defeated my good buddy. I'm sure you could feed him an entire fatted pig and he would enjoy every bite. No, what defeated James this day was a little bite of sushi. The story goes that a gaggle of my friends were out eating some delicious Asian gourmet, and things got a little bit interesting. James was dared to eat probably a tablespoon size ball of wasabi on a piece of sushi. When that green ball of burning hell hit James' mouth he was brought to tears. That wasn't all that happened to my good friend. He got a nose bleed! James will sweat peeling an orange, so you can imagine the beads of sweat that had coagulated on his brow. I can only imagine what a painful experience this must have been for him. On this day wasabi was David of old, and James was the giant. No one expected him to get a bleeding nose. I can only say that I wish I could have been there. On a side note I really don't enjoy sushi, it is really overpriced. 

The Dentist

I HATE the dentist with every fiber of my being. Actually I must rephrase that last comment. I hate dental assistants. They seem to have every right to belittle me as a person. I'm treated like a little child every time I lay on that bed with that spotlight in my face. Honestly on average I'm told to floss my teeth at least 7 times during my dental examination. Up until now these petty attempts to scare me into flossing have not worked....until my last trip to the dentist. 

I was enduring this terrible experience with finesse.  Blood covered the paper bib that they strap on patients from my unhealthy gums, and I didn't care. This same thing happens every six months, and it's nothing new to me. 

As this lady was "showing" me how to floss (I know how, I just choose not to) she came across something shockingly disgusting. What she came across was a popcorn kernel.  Now, you may not seem to think that this was very gross, but there is a piece of information that you don't realize. I couldn't remember the last time that I ate popcorn!

Now I floss everyday. End of story.

If I would have continued with my dental patterns I would have turned out looking like this.

Our Story

It was one of those nostalgic type of days. I felt as if I were sitting in the middle of a Cheers episode. Applebees in Orem, Utah was a poppin place that night. It was a Thursday as I recall, which meant Karaoke night. This day would forever change my life though.....because I began to text Candace McClure. It started out with playful flirting, which usually happens when two people of opposite gender begin to text one another. We explained our lives...every description she gave me was exactly what I wanted in a perfect wife. She was 5' 2", loved Justin Bieber,was a big sports fan, and she was a dancer. How could I not be attracted to her?

So I asked her out on a date a couple of days later. We had a bit of a problem, however. She lived almost 4 hours away from me. Luckily, I was going to Logan for a beginning of the year orientation, and she was going to drive down just to go on a date with me. I know what you're thinking, this brad must be one charming fellow to convince a woman to drive two hours to go on a first date with him after never even meeting him. Well, if you are thinking that then, yes you are correct I am charming. I remember the incredulous look on my mother's face when I informed her of this development. The words that came out of my mouth were these, "Look Mom, this girl is going to be my wife someday." It was a joke, but how was I to know how right I was? 

First Date: I have never been on a first date that compared to this one. I'm usually comfortable in the first date setting, but this woman through me for a loop. I was nervous! Constantly afraid of saying the wrong thing. Bowling was hilarious, she was awful, but I was too afraid to make fun of her. She hugged me after getting a strike, and even then I knew this girl was something special. Yes, I kissed Candace on the first date, but not until after she rejected me once. I was just afraid that I was never going to see her again,and I wanted to know what kissing her was like....at least once.

Luckily she saw me again, and again, and again. I don't know how many times either one of us made the trip from Idaho Falls to Logan. We had to see each other. I was lucky enough that her family found my scooter stories hilarious instead of just pathetic. They seemed to like me, and my family seemed to love her. It just worked. Sure there were bumps along the way, and challenges to overcome, but it worked. 

I knew that I wanted to marry Candace Pauline McClure a long time ago. In all honesty I just knew that no woman would ever compare. She was perfect for me. She didn't know as fast as I did, which is understandable. I don't know why any woman would consciously sentence herself to life with Brad Francis. 

One week in particular Candace was extremely sick. So I went out to buy her some medicine and orange juice. It seemed like a little thing to me, but I filled her car up with gas. When she got in the car she cried. It's funny how little things like that can change lives. After that things just clicked for her, and she knew she wanted to marry me. 

I can honestly say that today I'm the luckiest man on earth. Most of my posts have been comical, and not very serious. I wrote this one because I want the world to know how it all happened. Things like this happen every single day. People fall in love. Our story isn't extraordinary in any way, but it's ours. I wouldn't change a thing. I'm getting married to the most wonderful person I know, and I am as happy as a person could be.

Little People

Stories about midgets (little people to be politically correct) have always intrigued me. There is a legend that there is quote a midgetville in Salt Lake City Utah. Ever since I can remember my friends and I have always dreamed about going there. A shade of doubt surrounds the midgetville even to it's very existence. From what I understand these little people will come out of their bite size houses to chuck all sorts of debris at the giants walking their streets. I suppose it must be a gated community if this is the case. At first I was appalled by the thought of midgets throwing stuff at people, but then I realized something. The realization was if giant-like people were walking my streets I'd probably throw a toaster at it. I chose to throw a toaster because it is light enough to throw, but big enough to do damage. When I heard of the retaliation tactics I became torn at whether or not I would ever visit this mystical place. I envision a place somewhat like where Willow resided in that lovable classic. Someday I wish to go there and see the little people, to make peace with them. 

Fun Fact: If you were to type in where is midget town in Salt Lake City? ChaCha will say:

"Hobbitville" is located on 13th E. about a half mile north of 1-80. The entrance is across from Westminster College.

Before I leave you to ponder about our lovable little friends I would like to leave you with my favorite midget story. My cousin Tanner is pretty cool and one time he did something so epic that I will never forget it throughout my entire existence. He was probably around 10 years old when the incident occurred. He was absentmindedly walking through the crowd after a football game, and while walking he saw something that must have turned off all inhibition in his brain. The spectacle that his eyes beheld was a midget cheerleader. There is a look that a lion gets in it's eyes when it is about to devour it's prey. I imagine that Tanner had this very look in his eyes at this moment. Without warning he took off at full speed in direction towards the cheerleader. Everyone must have been in shock at what was happening because no one tried to stop Tanner as he plowed into the cheerleader. Tanner lit her up so to speak. He actually tackled a midget cheerleader. If that isn't the funniest thing you have ever heard then I don't know what is. To my knowledge neither tanner or the cheerleader were injured. It just turned into a real awkward moment as they got up from the ground. We can all agree that midgets (little people) are fantastic and our world needs them. Thank heavens for the midget! 

This Has Probably Never Happened to Anyone but My Friend Marc.

I have decided to stick with the scooter stories for one more post and this one is a doooozie! This has probably never happened to anyone in the history of the world besides my buddy Marc. I honestly believe that. Four years ago on the empty streets of Pleasant Grove Utah Marc Miller and I had a scooter gang. We drove the land in search of beautiful babes and stunning views. Sunday night we would drive to Utah Lake and back for no apparent reason. 


One thing I have learned in my excursions scooting is that the buddy system is best. When you go lone wolf terrible things happen, and my good man Marc was a victim of that. He was cruising home one night when one of the most stunning things to ever happen to a human being occurred to him. As he was absentmindedly riding his scooter at around 30 miles an hour a common deer plowed into the side of his scooter. As you can imagine this was a shocking experience for Marc. Fur was flying as he skidded across the rough pavement. Marc says that he was so stunned he didn't even know what had happened at first. When he looked up from the carnage he saw the deer bounding into the distance and he knew. 

I have to ask myself several questions when pondering the deer's intentions. Was this a malicious act on the human race or mere coincidence? How many deer carcases line Utah roads...? Maybe this deer's Aunt or Sister In-law had recently been part of one of these accidents, and this deer was out for blood. Like the JFK assassination we may never know completely what happened that night, but what we do know is that's one funny story to tell to people at Marc's expense. Signing out Bradley Francis. 

The Peeves That Pet Me.

Recently I have been feeling nostalgic and I have thereby determined to make my very own list for 2010. I would like to present to you my top 5 pet peeves of the previous year. Let me begin.


1. Who Cares If My Soda Is Diet?- One pet peeve of mine is when I am absentmindedly sipping back a diet soda, and some wise guy comes up to me and tells me that it's less healthy for me that regular soda. That it will give me heart disease, and as a result I will die at a very young age. This peeves me. 


2. The Seconds On The Microwave!- I have to admit I am royally peeved when I notice that there are two or maybe three seconds on left on the microwave. Are you people seriously so impatient that you can't wait three more seconds for your food to be done?


3. Maybe I Want To Hear That!- I must admit that peevage occurs for me when someone mutes the television for commercials. What if I want to hear what these people are selling me? I know that it's supposed to be for "talking time", but sometimes it's just silence while everyone looks at each other. 


4. Women's Basketball- So as not to offend anyone I will not elaborate on this one.


5. Prego- The thing that peeves me more than any peeving device in this world are those awful pregnancy photos. I'm sorry to those people reading this that enjoy looking at pregnant bellies. I absolutely do not! I'm ok with it if the women in pregnancy has a shirt on or whatever but some of these pictures make me sick!


Warning the picture you are about to see may contain disturbing images. Those with epilepsy may want to refrain from looking. 

Thank you for your time. I sure hope that this list brings you much joy and laughter. My name is Brad Francis and sometimes I blog. 

Delores: My Scooter Adventures

I have a little scoot scoot which I playfully named Delores. Little did I realize the ridicule that would come from this specimen of a motorized vehicle. In high school I was the coolest kid in school rolling up on that pair of wheels. Every girl wanted me and every guy wanted to be me. It wasn't nerdy at all that my little brother had a matching scooter, and that we would ride side by side to school every morning. It didn't matter that guys on motorcycles would rev their massive engines just to make fun of my 50cc scoot mobile. It didn't matter that people actually pointed and laughed as I drove by on the little thing with the lawn-mower like engine roaring at full capacity. It didn't even matter that I maxed out at twelve miles an hour going up steep hills. I was on top of the world on my little scooter Delores and no one was going to stop me.

Time passed and I was about to move up to college. There was no way that I wasn't taking Delores with me. She was there through the thick and the thin. She was always the one that got me from point A to point B even if it took double the time that it would take in a regular car. So she came on with me. No I did not ride the scooter two and a half hours from my home. That would have turned into an overnight trip with how long it would have taken on my scooter. When I got to Utah State University something happened that made it so I may never ride my scooter again.

Candace was up visiting from Idaho so I decided to take her on a little date. While we were driving Candace made a comment on how everyone was so nice to us. I informed her that it wasn't that they were being nice, and waving. They were pointing and laughing. It's alright though I had gotten used to it over the years. After we finished up at Spoon Me (a delicious frozen yogurt place). I took Candace back to her car so that she could drive to the place she was staying for the night. After saying our goodbyes I tried to start my scooter up and absolutely nothing happened. That was when I knew I was in trouble.

I tried several times to get that little engine going, but to no avail. I figured it wasn't too far from my place of residence so I was just planning on pushing it home. When I had made it to the intersection just adjacent to my apartment I determined that since the light was red I could try and start the thing again. While I was struggling to get the scooter going a car pulled up to me. I realized almost instantly that it was a Utah State police officer. Honestly he must not have had much to do that day because he felt the need to give me a police escort home. We are talking the full shabang with flashing lights and sirens. It was top 5 most embarassing moment of my life. People in cars were staring at me as I slowly pushed my motorized scooter through an intersection with a police escort. The police officer took this as his serious duty to make sure that I made it home safe. That was the day that Delores stopped working, and I made the decision that my scooting days were over.

My brother Preston strapped bull horns on his scooter to look cool.